Investing in Nursing

I told myself I would go 3 months and re-evaluate whether this is something I want to do or not.  I am now almost exclusively nursing the babies, except for one full bottle during one of the night feedings and often half a bottle in the evening during a feeding frenzy if my supply can’t keep up.  I am also basically exclusively tandem (two at a time) nursing them when I am nursing.

I have a twin breast feeding pillow I got for free on the local twin listserv but it doesn’t really fit me.  I would have to be a lot larger in order for this pillow to wrap snugly around me.  I tighten the strap in the back to try to bring it in closer but it just digs into my back, still leaving gaping holes on the sides.

The thing is, I didn’t want to make real breast feeding investments if I wasn’t going to do it.  But it looks like I am going to go for it.  I mean, it hasn’t been three months yet, but it has been 5 weeks since I started pretty much full time breast feeding both babies and I don’t see myself stopping.  In many ways it is very convenient to be able to put a baby on the boob any time he/she is hungry, even though it is exhausting to be hooked up to babies all the time.

So here are some things I am investing in…

Twins Plus My Brest Friend Delux Breast Feeding Pillow

 I have had my eye on this pillow for a long time but I ended up getting the other nursing pillow since it was free.  I didn’t know if I was even going to tandem nurse so it seemed crazy to buy a $75 nursing pillow specifically designed for tandem nursing (and kind of too big for regular single nursing).  However, pretty much every time I nurse I get super irritated with the gigantic, ill-fitting pillow that I have, and since I am tandem nursing 5-7 times each day it seems worth it.

I don’t know about those pockets, seems kind of silly.  I store the pillow out of the way so why would I need those big pockets?  Maybe I should keep spare granola bars or packaged snacks in them or something.

The other thing I bought was this pump:

Medela Harmony Breastpump

I already have an electric pump but I wanted something to either keep in the diaper bag or bring with me if I get to spend a few hours away from the babies.  Like tomorrow my parents are going to watch the babies for a few hours while I go shopping and I want to be able to keep myself from getting uncomfortable (although I don’t know if this will come in time).

I’ve been thinking about buying this pump for a while now.  I was cautioned against a manual pump because everyone says they’re not worth it, but the weeks have gone by and I still wish I had it.  I just want it in the diaper bag or to pump while I’m out, or even to pump in situations where I don’t have access to an outlet (like in the car or on an airplane if necessary).

I’m readying myself to be in it for the long haul.  Ideally I’d like to breast feed them for a year, but for now I think I am taking it 3 months at a time.  I know at some point they will sleep longer at night and we will start introducing solids and then maybe we won’t need the formula at all, which would be great.  And when they start going longer between feedings I may feel less “trapped under babies” – having them in the whole tandem set-up every few hours definitely makes me stir crazy after a while!

I go to a breast feeding support group almost every Thursday and last week one of the moms said she was really amazed that I was nursing the twins.  She said she knew another twin mom and that mom was all about the simplest solution to every problem.  For me, nursing the babies is the most simple solution to feeding them, even though it is exhausting often and frustrating sometimes.  The reason is that I have no bottles to prepare or wash, no worry that I’m out with them and forgot to pack food supplies, etc.  And nursing both of them all the time means that my supply is available whenever necessary, so if we’re out and they BOTH get hungry then I definitely will have enough food for both of them.

I think where I get this feeling like I absolutely need to have enough food in my boobs for both babies at all times comes from Eitan’s first doctor appointment.  We thought we were just going to the doctor and back, so didn’t pack enough formula or bottles or anything (we packed enough for one feeding only, and needed two feedings’ worth by the end – we did luckily pack enough diapers!).  The doctor sent us to the hospital to get another jaundice blood test, so the afternoon ended up being 6 hours instead of 1 or 2, and Eitan was starving by the end.  I tried to get him to nurse but my supply was still really low and he was having a hard time latching – he doesn’t really likes nursing in public, even now that he’s good at it.  So there we were, sitting in the lobby of the hospital after the blood test, him screaming and me desperately trying to get him to nurse while we wait for Ilan’s sister to come pick us up (we had walked to the hospital and wanted a car ride back so we could feed him ASAP).

The desperation of that moment, only a week after they were born and literally the day after Eitan came home, still sticks with me.  I want to physically be able to feed my babies anytime, anywhere, at a moment’s notice.  So even when it is really hard and I cry and get frustrated and want to give up, that is the thing that keeps me going.  It’s not the health benefits or whatever, because I know lots of formula fed babies grow up to be wonderful, healthy human beings.  I’m scared of not being able to feed them somewhere, sometime.  And since I can produce enough milk and my babies are relatively good latchers (for which I count myself as lucky!!!), I really want to keep at it to make it work.